Top 5 Things I, as a Good Christian, Am Thankful For

In case you end up playing that game this Thanksgiving where you’re asked to share something you’re thankful for, here are the top 5 things I, as a good Christian, am thankful for.

I am thankful:

That we live in a Christian nation. (and by Christian, I mean Christian like our Founding Fathers, in which case I mean deist).
That our President is a Christian defending Christian values (not the value of taking care of widows, orphans, and foreigners in our land, the other ones. The good ones).
That God wants to give me the desires of my heart. (Dear Santa God, I desire a 13 inch, 2 gigabyte MacBook).
That I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.
That Halloween and its pagan traditions are behind us and we can look forward to the pure Christian holiday of Christmas.

I am, however, truly thankful for my smoking hot wife.

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You’re currently reading “Top 5 Things I, as a Good Christian, Am Thankful For,” an entry on myopic pilgrim

Published:: 11.7.07 / 12pm

Category:: miscellany

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I’m father to two young boys. The older is a toddler who I’m getting to know pretty well. It’s my understanding that the chicks dig him. The younger is still an infant and is still a bit of a mystery. I’m married to a wonderful, bright woman who I admire. She’s what I need. She’s uncommonly sweet with a voice to match and that sometimes misleads people into thinking she doesn’t have a will of iron.

I read fun books by Nick Hornby and watch dark movies like Se7en. I play sports with round objects like basketball and tennis (although it’s been forever since I’ve been on the court). I sometimes drink hot tea and often talk without saying anything. I can also juggle.

-Dave 11.8.07 / 8am

I’m confused.

2-5 sound predictably snarky. But if I apply that tone to #1, it would sound as though you do not think that of your wife. And such an opinion is not one I’d expect to be aired on the Internet.

I admit – being single, there may be something about it I just don’t understand. So I ask for your help in reaching comprehension.

Rob 11.8.07 / 8am

I too can’t understand the significance of item 1 versus 2-5. I pick up on your excitement for our president, and acknowledge your belief in Santa :-)

jose 11.8.07 / 9am

Oof… Now I feel like a dork. It was a reference to Talladega Nights. But I see how it’s out of place. I better change that, eh.

Any suggestions?

kenny 11.8.07 / 1pm

I got the Talladega Nights reference, but still found it hard to place the joke in the context of the 1) the movie, 2) the snarky list, 3) actually knowing your wife.

jose 11.8.07 / 3pm

By the time it’s March and I’m writing the Other 5 Things St. Patrick Drove Out of Ireland, I’ll be much tighter.

-Dave 11.8.07 / 4pm

Always wanted to see that movie. Never did. I’d like to sound superior, and say I saw something edifying instead. But I’m sure that’s not the case. The crew I see movies with generally leans more toward action and less towards the comedies that are my own preference.

Michelle 11.12.07 / 10am

Talladega what? I’m thankful for your wife, too, and your beautiful son. Kinda cool that we both have sons, who are healthy and adorable. God is good.

Smalls 11.12.07 / 9pm

I got sarcasm in 1-5 and truth in your wife being smokin hot. Isn’t that what you were trying to do?

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